Trauma vs. Resilience

I saw a post on social media that said,

“To be very, VERY reductionistic:  Hard times + support = resilience; Hard times + no support = Trauma”.

This resonates precisely because it is reductionist, a simple way to understand a complicated fact of life.  I know plenty of people who have had support while experiencing hard times and either still struggle to establish resilience or never achieve it and are left with just trauma.  Nothing in life is guaranteed, but that should not stop us from offering support to those in need, since it can help people move forward.

Our family has experienced a lot of hard times this year.  As an example, Jonathan’s transition to Anya will be a positive move in the end, but the journey to get there will be hard.  There are still lots of people in our life who do not know that my husband is changing genders.  When we told our therapist our plan for Anya to come out first at church, she gave us a quizzical look.  The idea of a church being supportive of LGBTQ+ people was new to her.  Peace’s support of our family is an essential part of building our resilience as we prepare to tell other, potentially unsupportive people in our life about Anya’s transition.

When you think about Jesus’ birth, Mary could have experienced so much trauma.  She was a young girl, pregnant with her first child, newly betrothed.  She visited her kinswoman, Elizabeth, who was also facing an unexpected pregnancy.  Elizabeth’s baby leapt in her womb, and she called out to Mary, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!”  I’m sure Mary felt supported by Elizabeth’s response, helping her to build resilience.

Support is essential to resilience and something anyone can do for others.  Usually, it doesn’t take much of our time or any of our money.  It can be a quick text message or a face-to-face conversation like the ones we have received regarding Anya’s transition.  It can be a sincere, “How are you?” with listening ears instead of a quick response.  It can be validating someone’s feelings and asking how you can help.  Or it can be watching a struggling person’s kids for a few hours, walking their dog, or dropping off a casserole. 

Lots of people attend Peace because of the support we offer to the Kansas City community, but I think we sometimes underestimate the importance of the support we offer each other.  The support offered to our family by Peace has been above and beyond, and it started at the beginning.  Many don’t remember, but when we had been attending Peace for about six months, Anya’s brother tumbled off a scaffold and fell 20+ feet.  He suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in the hospital for weeks.  Peace people brought food for Anya’s whole family for days and days.  It was amazing and told us that we were in the right place.  And we still are. 

Holy One,

We know support comes from the people we surround ourselves with.  Help us to provide support and receive support.  Help us build resilience from our challenging times and limit the trauma.  Being alive is such a gift.  Let us enjoy it with one another as long as it lasts.

Note:  The picture is by Gracie Morbitzer of The Modern Saints.   According to her website, “My goal was to re-imagine these extraordinary people as modern, everyday humans.  They show us that we can all be saints, can find role models and hope in the story of someone who has gone through what we are going through before us.”

Michelle is a Program Analyst with the Department of Veterans Affairs. She’s a wife, mother, sister, and friend, a chocolate and coffee lover, reader of books, listener of podcasts, and a travel enthusiast.