That Will Be Me

It is never too late to be who you might have been. George Eliot

Gosh, I hope that’s true. It’s a rich sentiment from a woman who became a revered novelist, using a male pen name. And not because she liked the sound of George better than her given name of Mary Ann. It was the England of the mid-19th century, and she wouldn’t have been taken seriously as a “woman writer.” She didn’t sit in an attic room, watching the world go by while she wrote about the lives of other people. Her life was real and messy and full, exploring controversial, even radical, views until she published her masterpiece, Middlemarch, at 52 and then for the rest of her life. Kind of inspirational, no?

I’m close to a young person whose experiences have many times not lived up to their promises–college, jobs, friendships, relationships. It sounds bleak, but it’s not really. That’s been my story at times, too, and a lot of our stories, I suspect. Sometimes, at nearly 60, I wonder if there’s still time, time to be who I might have been, as Eliot says.

Setting aside that some things aren’t meant for me–glory as an Olympic gymnast, a career as a noted scholar or surgeon, for example–there are so many opportunities for creativity and passion projects and true engagement in a world that needs ME to be creative and passionate and engaged. And there’s time for my young friend, too. Oh, I want to put up a billboard they can see every day that says IT’S ABOUT THE JOURNEY, cliche’ as that is.

In the words of a contemporary writer who uses her own name to express radical thoughts, here is a sentiment from my favorite of her masterpieces:

Do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet?

When you fall, I will get you on your feet.

Do I spend time with my family?

Did it show when I was weak?

When that’s what you see, that will be me.  Brandi Carlile

Loving One,

Thank you for every fresh opportunity to be exactly who I might have been.

Amen

Eli is a mom, wife, friend, singer, frustrated comedian, aspiring gardener, and so many other things she’s yet to discover. It’s a journey.