Cities, Summer Forests

Why did it take me this long?

It’s what I think with each epiphany

Each renewed sense of peace

Each time I have a clearer understanding of myself or the world around me.

There are so many people that seemingly matured decades earlier. That were emotionally intelligent, self-controlled and made adult decisions. That married only once. That know how to change their own oil. Or fish. Or play golf. Or drive(?) a boat. Or have friends they travel with. Or cook. Or they have a partner that cooks for them, with a prepared meal after a long day. With side dishes and a slice of fruit pie. With kids that have already transitioned from care receivers to care givers- checking in on good old dad. Making sure he’s ok.

But it’s not like that. And after another birthday- this one a nauseatingly high number - a number that allows no room for mistaking the fact that l am an adult - leaving no wiggle room for putting it off- for putting anything off- with this dividing line, I am going to have to come to terms with this self. This life.

And that is the epiphany this time.

That is what I am reminded of every time I see another patient. Or do another surgery. Or make a decision about how to spend an evening. Or where to go on vacation. Or whether to go on vacation. Or who to spend time with. Or what to worry about.

This is it. This is my life. And by any measure, it’s a good life. The epiphany is that it’s no longer in the future. It’s here now.

And having that realization has made me calmer, more grateful, more confident and better able to experience individual moments.

So many beautiful moments.

Holy One, with each passing year, help us to live more in the moment, to appreciate the beauty that is in every living thing, and to feel a greater connection with you. Amen

Brandon is on pace to read over 100 books this year, also walks a lot, also gets overly excited about new coffees and new Neil Young releases and is a member of Peace Church.