Don’t Create More Victims

I think of myself as an Industrial Hygienist, though I rarely use that title because most people don’t know what it means.  Instead, I tell them I work in Occupational Safety and Health.  Industrial Hygienists protect workers from hazards they can’t see.  I oversee asbestos management, hearing conservation, chemical exposure programs, and the confined space program.

A core safety principle is don’t create more victims.  It is particularly applicable to confined space safety.  If you see a coworker collapsed at the bottom of a pit, your instinct may be to rush in.  But if you hold your breath and climb down, you’ll join them at the bottom: two victims instead of one.  Sometimes rushing to help causes more harm.  This idea applies far beyond safety programs.

I have a friend who cannot care for her mother with dementia.  The stress overwhelms her.  Instead of becoming another victim, she recognized her limits and arranged care for her mom.  Her guilt was heavy at first, but she eventually understood that her mother would never want her daughter to sacrifice her own health in the process of caregiving.

I also have a close family member who cannot absorb sadness without becoming consumed by it.  When I needed to tell her about my mother‑in‑law’s recent death, I had one conversation and then stepped back.  Protecting her means protecting myself too.  That boundary keeps both of us from becoming victims.

If you don’t have the capacity to do what you think you should do, consider what you can do.  Maybe you want to make a phone call, but a card is more manageable.  Maybe you want to bring a meal, but a restaurant gift card also provides food in the future.  Maybe you don’t have space right now to help anyone — but you can work to create that space later.

The opposite is also true.  Sometimes you are the right person to step in.  Sometimes you have the words, the steadiness, the resources, or the emotional capacity to stabilize a situation.  Sometimes you can give generously because you’re standing on solid ground.

Discernment is the ability to judge well.  That clarity must include yourself: your intentions, your limits, and your capacity.  I’ve told friends that I would walk alongside them no matter the outcome.  In those seasons, I had the strength to do it.  But there have been other times when I didn’t, and I had to step back from relationships as a result.

Creator, give us the wisdom to see clearly—our limits, our strengths, and the needs before us. Teach us when to step forward and when to step back, so that our help brings healing rather than harm. Help us walk faithfully beside those you place in our path. Amen.

Michelle is a wife, mother, sister, and friend, a chocolate and coffee lover, reader of books, listener of podcasts, and a travel enthusiast.