I Am Not Okay
I am not okay
I’m barely getting by
I’m losing track of days
And losing sleep at night.
I am not okay
I’m hanging on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well.
This song, “I Am Not Okay” by Jelly Roll, has been playing nonstop in my head since January 20th. One may even call it an anthem for the next four years.
I am not okay. I’ve had to turn off the news and silence social media. I’ve had to cut ties and close doors, both literally and figuratively. Group texts have been muted. Holiday gatherings are smaller. Meanwhile, the conversations among our chosen groups reverberate in a politically and socially homogenous echo chamber.
I am not okay, but I refuse to let the chaos of it all steal my soul. I know that the issues that are taking place in our nation’s capital and abroad may not directly affect my everyday routine, but could that be my privilege talking? I pray more than I ever did in my life. I steel myself to focus on the things that are in my direct control (very difficult for a high achieving/ first born/ labeled gifted student). I can control how I respond to events, who I converse with, what I eat, how long I sleep, how much time I spend on my phone, and what we talk about at dinner. I try to do one thing each day just like we are encouraged to do in the Peace News- call a senator, teach empathy in the moment, send a thank you, at least I can feel like I’ve helped, even a little bit.
I don’t know if we’ll be okay for a while. That is why a community like Peace is so important. Take time for yourself and do what you need to do. Lean on loved ones, cry on their shoulders, and wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Then pick yourself up, dust off your pants, wipe your eyes, and do one good thing, even if it’s just getting up and getting dressed. As Desmond Tutu said, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
Holy One,
Give us the strength to do one small thing each day. Lift us up when we feel hopeless, and generate within us a spark to ignite the world.
Kelly is not a huge fan of country music, but will make an exception.