Wilderness

First of all, how many people would voluntarily wander around in the desert for forty days? I can’t seem to get to church for an hour each Sunday. Or remember to check the tread on my tires. Or find a Saturday to meet Sofia halfway for lunch. Forty days? No one has forty days anymore.

Tiny victories…I bought a Lenten devotional and have been reading the short paragraphs each morning. It’s something anyway. A few minutes set aside to focus on the season.

And when Jesus was in the desert, he was alone with his thoughts and demons. No disciples were around. None of the Marys. He was testing and finding himself. Resetting. I’m not brave enough to do that. An entire evening alone is about three hours too many.

But I do find time to focus. To concentrate on one thing at a time. Whether it’s sitting in a room listening to a patient, sometimes allowing the conversation to veer off track into an unexpectedly holy moment. Or my weekly Wednesday dinner with Jackson. Or on a long drive to an out of town clinic. Or a long afternoon lunch with Kari. Or writing something like this.

Focus. The lost in the desert, wandering and thinking type of focus. The kind that doesn't require a timer. The kind that could be more like flow, but could also be meditation, or simply listening.

A month ago I deleted Facebook, followed by Instagram two weeks later. Both of them were causing me to feel more lonely, not less. More anxious. I know I’m missing some things. And I’ll probably be back on at some point. But I’ve been texting people more. Even talking to friends and family on the phone. Including my dad for the first time in two months. I forget what a good listener he is.

I’m still learning how to do everything better. For myself. For those that I love. And for the wider world.

Holy One, if we’re honest we’re all lost in the wilderness. Help us to find meaning, comfort and wisdom along the way. Amen

Brandon is a member of Peace and is always wondering what will happen next.