Eye Contact

“Now look into my eyes.”

It was nearly the end of our busy week at Lacor Hospital in Northern Uganda, and people were starting to take pictures so we could remember. A few of us were posing with Sister Rose, head nurse at the hospital. Rose is funny, helpful, knows everything and everyone and is fully in charge. She’s been in this position far longer than the ten years I’ve been traveling there.

Four of us posed together with her and we had plenty of good shots, but then she asked me to look at her for the next pose.

I couldn’t do it. Heaven knows I tried. But every single time I would fall away, laughing. Her face was entirely too close to mine, her eyes too direct.

I’ve never been an eye-contact person. Even when it’s necessary. A quick glance. Side eye. A peek. Occasionally a secret stare. No direct, eye to eye looks though. It feels too intimate. Too raw. Something that’s reserved for a partner- and even then it can be awkward.

It turns out I wasn't alone. Nurses reported that other staff, even patients, wanted the same pose. First everyone facing forward, then looking at each other. I guess it’s a thing. One I had never noticed, but it makes sense. Ugandans have an easy familiarity with each other. Holding hands while walking or talking. Arms around each other as they watch surgery. They stand very close. Laugh easily, poke fun. Eye contact is just more of the same.

During Covid, we all got used to showing expression through our eyes, the rest of our faces and their raw emotional cues were missing for a really long time. We had to use our eyes to show interest, joy, compassion, everything. And now that our full faces are exposed again I do try to remember to not rely too much on facial expressions for communication- to continue to use my eyes.

So, I’m going to work on my eye contact. And next year I’ll be ready for the pictures.

Holy One, your plan is that we interact compassionately and empathetically with each other. Help me to see into the eyes of your creation. Amen

Brandon was happy to be back in Uganda after a very long absence.