Life is Not a Line

I spent the first part of summer listening to Neil Young. His entire output. All forty-seven of his studio albums. And around thirty-six soundtracks and live albums. Neil has more albums than he has years, which is saying something as he is now seventy-eight and still recording and playing live.

I could easily write a book about Neil Young’s music at this point. And anyone who has been around me or who has been in my operating room or in my car has heard enough Neil Young to be either intrigued or irritated. But a few hundred words aren’t enough to scratch the surface of his life or his music.

But there are enough words to describe a feeling.

From beginning to end, Neil Young has created and grown and observed and been involved in his own life. He has used his gift and his interest to express his love for the earth and for most of the people living on it.

Time has felt different to me recently. Rather than finite and linear- a race to get as much accomplished as possible in the very few decades that we are allotted- time has felt more expansive.

A life is not a line. It is one.

Neil Young is one thing. And that one thing is not limited. And time is not a part of the definition of the thing.

I am one thing as well. And my one thing overlaps with Neil Young and with countless others. And I am limited only by my imagination. If I am framed by my name and my sense of self and my profession and my children and by how I react to those around me, that is only for my comfort. It isn’t real.

I am unique and created and loved and have no idea the part that I play in the greater story of life on this planet and in the totality of God’s plan. God’s thoughts are not our own.

Rather than moving towards something I have had more of a sense that I am here.

And I have tried to hold on to that thought. By being present. By getting sleep. By keeping my body strong. By gratitude. By floating in water. By being silent. By reading spiritual writers from Moses to Marilynne Robinson to Sturgill Simpson. By being content. By being an observer.

By being open.

By feeling and by not being afraid to feel. It is the one thing that we must do to have a complete life. Anxious, fearful, embarrassed, brave, curious, unsatisfied, outraged, content - all of it. Feeling and allowing myself to respond to the feelings.

And by allowing God to work through us. We are here for each other. Relationships- both long and as short as a glance or a word. Time is not important. If I can help someone medically or spiritually or physically - if I can make someone’s life easier, more fulfilling, more accepting or healthier- then I am where I need to be. And even better if I never know the impact of an interaction. Letting it go.

No boundaries. Receptive and free. We are only now.

Holy One, help us to be present. To notice our lives. To nurture our gifts. To care for your creation and all its inhabitants. And to work for sustainability rather than unended growth. Amen.

Brandon is a member of Peace Church.