Potential

About five months ago, I was offered my first job as a fully-fledged psychologist. I was thrilled; applying, interviewing, and negotiating were nerve-wracking, and I was relieved to have secured a stable job after nearly 8 years of training. The next months included various bureaucratic forms and requirements which were both annoying and reassuring. The job was mine.

And then, three days into my honeymoon, I received a foreboding email, asking for a meeting with the head of the department and myself. Unwilling to spend the rest of my vacation in dreadful anticipation, I took the call from my hotel room. Bad news – budget issues. They can’t hire me after all.

Initially, I felt shock and disappointment, and later, a sense of fatigue and resignation. Back to the drawing board. I started looking into other opportunities. But three weeks later, a second shock arrived in my inbox. Great news! Through some special exception, they would be able to hire me after all. My reaction was not instant delight or relief, however, I was given reassurances and decided to pause my job hunt, hoping the position would remain mine.

On paper, I am in the same position I was in back in the early spring. And yet, those few weeks of uncertainty were illuminating. They highlighted the difference between the present and the potential future. Though it felt like I lost a job, in fact I never had it. I had the expectation, the hope of the job. And now, I have both hope and fear. Hope that the offer is still there come September, fear that it will be pulled again. And I have one more thing: faith. Faith that I can weather any outcome, as I was prepared to do when the job was pulled.

Creator, as we face disappointment and surprises, help us not lose sight of living out the love and justice you have taught us.

Elizabeth is a Peace member living in Chicago, surviving the cold in the winter, the heat in the summer, and the traffic year-round.