Refocus

I’m forever trying to simplify. And that means different things at different times. But it usually is an attempt to decrease the number of choices. Fewer variables. Two pairs of work pants and work shoes. The shirts that I wear to work come from the same store and are the same style. Lunch is nearly always the same. It’s more than a habit. It’s an intention.

For ten years I traveled to Uganda every September for a medical mission. Twice I went a second time to another location in the country. And during the pandemic, I organized and planned and ultimately canceled three Ugandan trips. I love Uganda and the people I have met there.

But my life has changed in the past ten years. Kids have grown up and moved away. Divorce. New relationship. New responsibilities. And although I have the same job, it has changed in many ways as well. I have fewer vacation days.

So this year I’m not going to Uganda. My heart is telling me to simplify. To focus on my job and my family. It’s another opportunity to be present in each holy moment. In front of a patient- or in my thoughts- or with the people in my circle.

Jesus’ time in the wilderness was filled with reflection. He had to decide what kind of a person he was going to be. Where he was going to spend energy during his limited time.

The freedom to choose how to spend time is a precious gift. Ten years ago I would have disliked the idea of self-care. But now I embrace it. For when I am synchronized, when I sense a glimpse of Om, when my pulse is slow and my sleep is restorative, when I am exhausted but filled at the end of a long day, when doubt and loneliness and guilt have receded to the faintest ache in the very back of my brain, and when the spirit flame deep in my chest burns steady and bright, I know that I am where I need to be.

Holy One, help us to discern and focus and refocus as we travel through this precious life. Amen

Brandon is a member of Peace Church, plans to live to one hundred, and is grateful for his memory.